Well, leaving early today to go home and bake a double heart cake, clean the house, make goody bags, assemble jewelry kits, etc for Shannon’s birthday.  I can’t believe she’s turning 8!  And I also can’t believe I agreed to have 14 screaming 8 year olds in my house for a party when I have no help.

Surely something must be wrong with me.  If there isn’t now, there will be after Saturday…..

Ok, for the last week I have been working on a presentation for the head of our North American division (my boss’ boss). Now I don’t really know PowerPoint, but this is the way the conversation went:

Boss:  The big guy (CEO) is going to be there, my counter parts from all the other countries will be there.  I’m hosting, it’s on our turf, it’s the first presentation and it will set the tone for the entire meeting.  It better be good.

Me: OK, no problem (holy crap! Utter panic, OK, breathe, I can do this)

So I work on this presentation, do all these custom effects, put it to music, etc (although he did make me take off the music.  I guess the CEO is not a big Aerosmith fan).  I could not get a graph to look like he want tho.  I gave him draft after draft, talked with people far more well versed in PowerPoint, looked online and couldn’t figure it out.  So I finally decided this was ridiculous, went in to his office and told him the only way I could make it look the way he wanted it to was if I drew it. And he says:

“Whatever you have to do.  Let me bring you a sample of what I want it to look like.”

And he brings out a graph that looks EXACTLY like the first draft I did.

One of my co-workers laughed so hard he nearly fell off his chair.

So I completed the presentation, he went off and presented.  Several days later when he came back on Friday, I asked him how it went.  And he says everyone, including some guy they call the presentation king, was very impressed with what I had done. So I went home with the warm fuzzies.

Cut to this morning, my boss calls me into her office and lectures me on how she doesn’t feel she can count on me and how inconsistent I am because I FORGOT TO FILL THE PRINTER 1 night last week.  I have never forgotten before.  Then I ask her about this PowerPoint class I want to take and she says, “I was going to suggest that.  By the way, I heard everyone really liked your presentation.  You did a good job on that.”  

I guess I should be happy she acknowledged it at all.  Oh well.

To Honour National Nothing Day……

Sorry I haven’t been around, work has been crazy!  And home is always crazy.

Saturday the girls had a birthday party to go to at a karate studio.  It was so much fun!  They each learned a few self defense moves and played some games, and they everyone got to break a board!  Now I want to take karate.  Although I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be disciplined enough.

After the party, we decided to go see Night at the Museum at the Imax theater.  It was the perfect movie to see in the Imax format.  I highly recommend it if you get the chance.  Dick Van Dyke and Mickey Rooney are great in their roles.  And honestly, I didn’t realize Mickey Rooney was still alive.  The girls (who just watched Mary Poppins over and over again a few weeks ago) loved that Dick Van Dyke was in it and actually danced a little.

Then yesterday was cleaning (ick – I swear I’m going to start wearing a tiara when I clean – I tried it once and it does make it almost fun).  But, for dinner was made homemade pasta and sauce.  I made the sauce while my brother and the girls made pasta.  Shannon thought it would be fun to make it colored, so she added a little green food coloring to the pasta.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough and the pasta just came out this really unappealing greenish gray color.  But it tasted good, which was all that mattered.

And then, of course, there was Bart.  He has a large tree branch my brother has rigged in an old tree stand for him to climb, and he loves to hang out and play up there.  One of his favorite things to do is to hang upside down by one foot from one of the branches.  But yesterday he was hanging upside down and slipped.  And apparently he forgot that he could fly for a moment because he actually fell down onto his cage, bounced off and then flew around the room.  But not to worry, he’s (as always) fine and has gone on to fall a second time, but this time managed to fly off before he hit anything.

I’m feeling much better today.  Thank you for indulging my little pity party.  But I’ve spoken with someone who is helping me make a plan and break things down into manageable pieces.  Plus, I got a metaphoric slap upside the head from my friend Margherite (and the only reason it was metaphoric is because she lives too far away to actually slap me in person).

Speaking of Margherite, she needs some help and I thought I would appeal to everyone I know in case they know someone who can help her.  She runs a small artisan jewelry company (which I love, have several of her pieces – www.shimmerlings.com)  out of her house, and she needs some help with the taxation laws in Wisconsin, which, if you’ve ever read them, make no sense whatsoever.  She just needs some questions answered, but really can’t afford to pay a tax attorney, so if any of you are artists who work and sell out of your home and live in Wisconsin (or know anyone who does) and would be willing to have a chat with her, please let me know.

AND,

Speaking of jewelry, Karen (www.karenskitsch.com) made me the most amazing earrings and charm with photos of my kids in them.  As soon as I can figure out where I can download the photos from my new digital camera (!), I’ll put them on line.

I came home for work last night to find the house completely rearranged.  Apparently my brother was bored.  After turning off the lights in the family room last night, I nearly fell over the couch.  Sigh.

The girls and I worked at a soup kitchen last week.  And to be totally honest, it wasn’t my idea.  The girls practically begged me to take them.  But I’m really glad I went. Certainly puts things into perspective and reminds you of how fortunate you are.  We served 178 meals in less than ½ hour.  And, of course, it was like dinner theatre with me around.  They were short staffed so I was to serving people a choice of chicken, fish or shrimp as well as salad.  And with my coordination issues, combined with gloves and really long tongs, it didn’t go well.  I was flinging and dropping food everywhere.  I couldn’t grab the cherry tomatoes without dropping all the lettuce. I couldn’t pick up the fish without it coming apart.  I could only pick up the shrimp one at a time and even that took several tries.  Fortunately, everyone was patient and had a good sense of humor. 

It still made me sad tho.  There were so many people who were alone.  There was a man who could barely eat and was so hard to understand because he had no teeth.  There were a few with the shakes.  But most of them were just like you and me.  We had extra cookies so the families with children could really load up.

So the fact that I am sitting around feeling sorry for myself is absolutely absurd.  This is a very hard time for me now.  The week before Christmas was the first anniversary of my having my now-ex-husband arrested for DV.  Yesterday was the anniversary or my filing for divorce.  The end of my marriage was a good thing, but it was also the end of the whole family dream.  And the 30^th will be the second anniversary of my Dad’s death.  There is so much guilt and baggage wrapped up in that I can’t even begin to describe it.  And I realized somewhere along the way, I lost myself.  I’ve spent so many years trying to be what everyone wants me to be, I don’t remember who I really am.  I look in the mirror at night and just wonder where Maria went.  How do I get back to who I was?  Or can I?  Do I even try, or do I just accept this person in the mirror?

My brother has told me that we must move out at the end of the school year.  Which is more than fair.  He wants his life back.  I don’t know where we’re going to go tho.  In less things change drastically, I can’t afford a place of my own.

I’m sorry.  I’m not usually like this.  Pity parties are not my style.  I do know how blessed I am.  I’m just having a hard time feeling it right now.  I am trying to remember that without endings, there can be no beginnings.