I actually got their rooms done!  Yea!  I'll put the photos up so you can see.  They love them.  I'm so happy.  I should also point out that they both managed to loose TV priviledges and got sent to their rooms within the first 27 hours they were home.  Which when you consider that they slept 10 hours and were in school and daycare for 9 hours is pretty impressive.

 

As for the date, still not sure.  But it was alot of fun.  I decided I'm saying it was a date because he's single, straight and paid for dinner.  And we talked for nearly 6 hours.  The reason for my confusion is this is someone I have known for years, but lost touch with a few years ago.  I actually kind of distanced myself because I was starting to have some feelings for him that were inappropriate, especially since I was married at the time.  And I was never sure if the feelings were real or if I was just so desperate for kindness that just emotionally grabbed the first really kind man I was around. And I have absolutely no idea how he feels.  So I decided to just take it for whatever it is and not try to read anything into it. 

 

 

Spring, I fear, is never going to come.

 

We got more snow yesterday.  Thankfully the temperature was warm enough that most of it melted on contact.  But we still have a couple of inches (sigh).  At least I don't live in Wisconsin where they got slammed yet again !

 

On an up note, the reason I haven't been around is I decided to redo the girls' rooms while they are at their dads.  It is something they have wanted since we moved in, but when I lost my job, that was the end of that.  And they've never had nices spaces to call their own.  Their dad was famous for starting projects and never finishing them, so they both lived with half painted walls and actual holes in the walls and carpeting before we got divorced.  My brother gave us a wonderful brightly painted room with butterflies, but they were sharing it with me.  So I think this is something really special and important for them.  Got the new comforters, got the painting done, thanks to a couple of REALLY good friends who helped me.  Now I just have to go get the accessories and put everything back together again.  I'm about a day behind schedule because Princess Emmaboo's room required 5 trips to the dumpster to get it clean! 5!  Not even donatable stuff!

 

Anyway, I'll post pics once the rooms are done.  Hopefully tomorrow since they come home Sunday.  I have missed them so much.  And I'm not really sure how great a time they are having.  Cause on the one hand, I really don't want them to miss me and home and have a miserable time, but on the other hand, I want them to miss me and have a miserable time!  Does that make me horrible?  Or human?

 

I tried to make it easier for them.  I got them cute little rolling suitcases, a couple new outfits, and a game to take.  Then I put cards in the suitecases for them for each day.  They decided to keep me from being sad, they would each make a card for me for each day (it makes me cry just thinking about it, it is so sweet).

 

Of course, the whole room decorating project has also had the wonderful side effect of keeping me from having any free time to think and I am so tired at the end of the night, I just collapse into bed.  So I guess you could say I'm partially redoing the rooms for selfish reasons.

 

So, we get to court, and again, he’s not there, just his attorney.  And she says that they have agreed.  And my attorney tells her we have changed our minds, that I am just out too much money, and that my ex should be paying.  So, back into the courtroom, where the judge rules he should pay $1,000.00 towards my legal bills.  Which is about 1/3.  I’ll take it. 

 

His attorney goes off and drafts the paperwork, and when she comes back, my attorney takes a look at it and says, “are you kidding me? There is no way she is signing this.  We are not talking visitation right now”.

 

What?

 

(for those of you who don’t know, my ex got drunk and beat the kids up, which is why he has such limited visitation in the first place)

 

Now they want standard visitation, which is every other Friday-Sunday, 2 evenings (dinner) a week, alternating holidays, two weeks in the summer, one week in winter and every other spring break.

 

No.

 

But the court doesn’t feel the same way.  My ex has completed everything they asked him to, so in their eyes he is a perfectly fit parent.  And now he won’t settle without better visitation.  And my attorney has an emergency hearing to go to.  I felt so defeated.

 

I asked him if I could negotiate with her (while formally agreeing to anything) while he was gone, and he said, “give it your best shot”.  So I sat down with her and very angrily told her what I thought of my ex.  Then I calmed down and explained that I felt really ambushed and not terribly flexible.  But that I would try.

 

After quite some time we reach an agreement.  I agree to alternating holidays, one dinner during the week, and every other weekend Saturday-Sunday.  And I tell her to put in some sort of clause that say I have the right to remove them if they get too homesick or I feel there’s a problem.  My attorney came back and was very impressed. 

 

So was my brother.  But my mom is so mad at me for not pushing to have him throw in jail and to recover all the legal bills, she keeps calling my brother to scream at him about how big a loser I am and how incompetent I am.  And I keep pointing out how bad it would be for the girls if their father was in jail, because, well, he would get out and in one way or another, he would take it out on them.  And short of him hitting them, there would be nothing I could do.  And there are many ways to hurt someone without ever laying a hand on them.  Not that it matters to her.

 

Then there’s my ex mother-in-law, who keeps calling and asking me to reiterate the story over and over and over and over, all while she swears and makes awful comments about what she would like to do to him.  And I just don’t have the energy for all this hatred and anger.

 

But my question is this.  If I did such a great job, why do I feel like I sold my soul?  Or more correctly, the souls of my children?

Our legal system at it’s best.

 

I haven’t been around much lately, been dealing with the ex.  Which everyone knows I find really delightful.

 

We went to court a couple weeks ago over the settlement, where it turned out that he had spent almost a third of it.  Which left him in contempt.  But let me back up a little first.

 

We were in court over this whole mess because he received this settlement and tried to hide it, even though our divorce decree was very specific about notifying me.  So we have to ask the court to force him to show all the documentation, and he does.  Except the account info that he still has it.  And of course, he’s not there, only his attorney (he told her he had to work, which is funny since he hasn’t held a job in 6 years).  And then she offers me approximately 7%.  My attorney laughs and I shake my head and leave.

 

So on our return date he is required to bring proof.  And we go into court and the judge, after citing case law all over the place, suggests a 70/30 split.  Disappointing, but, hey, still more than I walked in with.  Only, he still hasn’t shown proof that he still has the money.  I kept pushing my attorney, who just kept saying, “he can’t have been that stupid to spend the money.”  Obviously, he doesn’t know my ex very well.

 

So, we wait approximately 45 minutes while my ex, the stepford wife and their attorney argue about the judge’s decision.  He doesn’t want to agree to it, the attorney is telling him he’s a fool to take it to trial (especially since we would have the same judge).  I’m sitting in the next room getting angrier and angrier, and finally my attorney (I think just to shut me up) goes over and says if they don’t produce the proof, he will go in and ask the judge to find him in contempt.  And he comes back in with a huge smile on his face and says, “You tried to tell me.  I didn’t believe you.  But I should have listened.  You were the one married to him for 8 years.”  To which I replied, “please don’t remind me of that”.  And it turns out, yes, he’s spent almost a third.

 

Now the good part is, this puts me in a much better bargaining position.  So, when his attorney comes in and says, “he has to think about it”, my attorney (have I mentioned how incredibly cute he is?  It’s really quite distracting) says “fine, he has until next Friday and if he doesn’t go with the judge’s recommendation by then, we will request he be arrested for contempt.”

 

Now, I’m really starting to get pissed off. Because this is beginning to cost me a lot of money that I don’t have.  So I ask him about another clause in my decree that states if I ever have to drag him into court to obey the terms of the decree he will have to pay my legal bills.  And he says he agrees, that if he hasn’t decided before the next court date, we will pursue that as well.

 

So we went to court again last week, and that’s when the fun really began…… but it’s late, so I will tell you tomorrow.

 

The first grade program was this past week.  They did a show called “Rockin around the Alphabet” and performed songs that started with every letter.  All of the classes performed together.  A few kids came out for each song and acted it out.  Emma was in Alligator Alarm, which was hilarious. 

 

On the way over Emma looked at me and said she was going to marry E ( a boy in her grade she has known since kindergarten).  And she said that she knew he loved her.  I asked her how she knew, and she just gave me a look  that said, Mom, how stupid can you be, and said, “I just know”.

 

I saw E’s mom at the performance and told her the story and she started laughing and said, “that’s so funny because on the way here E said, Mom, wait until you see Emma’s song.  She’s up first and she’s so cute!”

 

Perhaps I should starting saving for the wedding now….

Well, it finally happened.  Bart the Bird tried to kill me.  Or at the very least, blind and maim me.  We stopped by during the very fun (insert sarcasm here) girl scout cookie delivery route.  I’m talking to my brother and his girlfriend while Bart danced around his perch, all puffed up, like he always does when I’m over.  I was pretty much ignoring him while I was talking when all the sudden, Shannon yells, “Mom!” and points at the floor.  I look down and that da#* little bird has climbed down off his perch and is charging me!  I stomp my foot at him, being that I’m about 100 times bigger than him.  But apparently no one has ever told him that, cause it didn’t even slow him down.  My brother herded him back up on the perch and we went back to talking.  All the sudden I saw something out of the corner of my eye.  He was flying right at me.  I did the only thing I could.  Duck and cover.  Or more correctly, scream, put my arm up to block/catch him while simultaneously pulling my coat over my head and crouching as low as I could.  I felt him run up my arm as my brother grabbed this pillow off the couch (that he is inexplicably terrified of) and tried to pull him off me, which turned out to be particularly hard since he had his claws so deeply embedded in my coat. 

 

He finally pulled Bart off and put him back on his cage.  I think it’s safe to say he doesn’t love me anymore.