Last night Princess Emma walks out of the bedroom carrying a little pink purse.  Nothing odd about that, except that she doesn’t own a pink purse.  And she walks right up to me and spins this elaborate story about how her teacher gave one to the girls, that it was a late Easter present.  I just look at her and say, “so when I call her to tell her thank you for the lovely purse, she won’t be surprised?”  And she looks around and says, “No wait, now I ‘member, that’s not what happened. H gave it to me.”  And I just look at her.  And she yells, “Oh, I hate myself!  I want to be alone!” and she runs into the bedroom.

 I roll my eyes and follow her.  We sit and talk awhile, while she continues to revise and tweak her story until I finally ask “Did you take this from H?”  And she says, “yes-no!  We traded!  I traded her a gold coin for it!”  I then remind her that trading stuff is not allowed at her after school care, and she says, “I forgot!  Leave me alone! I want to be alone!”  And I take a very deep, slow breath and say, “You have to return this and just to be sure, I’ll bring it when I pick you up. We’ll talk about your punishment for lying later.”  And I walk out of the room.  I have discovered making them wait to find out a punishment is a better punishment than anything I can actually think up.  But the best is yet to come.

  I called the after school care and talked to the teacher about it, trying to figure out if they really did trade or if Miss Em stole it from her friend.  (a side note: her teachers have repeatedly told me that Emma is very popular at daycare, and everyone wants to be her friend, even the boys) And it turns out the little Princess has been making kids give her things or do favors for her to be her friend.  Yep, that’s right.  My 5 year old is into extortion.

It just makes a mother proud.

In other news, got up out of my chair at work, got my shoe tangled up in my pants’ leg (teach me to sit with my leg tucked under the other) did the stumble, stumble, fall right in front of this guy I work with who used to be a gymnast.  He just looks at me laying on the floor laughing, shakes his head and goes back to work.

Colleen – these pics are for you! Michelangelo and Rodin.  If this isn’t art, what is?

I had the best day ever yesterday.  When I got out of work, (which was no small feat considering all the food I had eaten), and managed to fit an errand in before picking up the girls (also not a small feat, I only have about 40 minutes between the time I get off work and the cut off time at daycare, and they are at two separate locations).  We made it to choir with about 3 minutes to spare and discovered that the rummage sale is this Saturday, so there was stuff EVERYWHERE.  In the middle of this mess is a solid oak dresser with mirror and a bedside table.  And I don’t have a dresser.  I’ve been using a couple that my brother has, but I can’t take them with me.  The dilemma is that I also really don’t have anywhere to keep them until I move.

I start looking around and find a complete set (for eight) of china that they are selling for $15.00.  And for that price, who cares if it breaks?  It’s very plain, white with a silver band.  Now I’m kind of bummed because the sale doesn’t start until Saturday, but in talking to the woman running, she agrees to let me purchase stuff if I will help with the setup.  Cool!  Then I get to see even more stuff!

So I’m helping to unpack, still thinking about the dresser, when I get this brilliant idea.  I find the choir director (who lives in the rectory next door) and ask him if I can keep it in his garage until I move (he’s only got one car and it’s a two car garage) and he says sure, better yet, why don’t I put it in his basement.  So I buy them and try to figure out who I can get to come help me move it before Saturday.  Just then, these two men from my church walk in, I ask them and they move it for me!  And one of the guys tells me he knows of a couple rental properties in the area.

And Margherite – if you don’t stop talking about my butt you will be using your rather large mouth to smooch aforementioned body part!

I know that I probably shouldn’t feel this way, that I should be morally opposed to Hallmark Holidays.  But I can’t help it – I LOVE Secretary /Administrative Assistant/Administrative Professional’s Day!  It is the one day of the year no one hassles at me and everyone is really nice.  Plus they bring me flowers and make lots of food! How can anyone be opposed to that?  Call me shallow – call me superficial, I don’t care!  Cause today, for 8 ½ hours, it’s all about me!!!

We were shopping last night for a birthday gift for my brother, and Emma is running all over the store, not listening, getting in peoples’ way, knocking stuff over, etc.  Finally, after asking her repeatedly to calm down, I say very loudly, “Emma, knock it off!”

She stops, looks at me and says “you embarrassed me! I’m gonna embarrass you!” and I look at her and say, “be careful, because no matter how badly you embarrass me, I guarantee I can embarrass you more.”

And she looks at me and says “Mommy’s got a big butt!” and just walk away (and Shannon is standing there looking horrified), into the children’s department (where there are several kids).  She looks very proud of herself, until I say loudly, “Emma, I know you still want pull-ups, but really, you have to learn to hold it until you get to the bathroom.”

I win.

** LIFE IN THE 1500'S ***

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:  

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water..

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof.  When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying . It's raining cats and dogs.  

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.  

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a thresh hold.  

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old…

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off.  It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat…

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a ...dead ringer.. And that's the truth. Now, whoever said history was boring ! ! !

Well, we survived the weekend.  And I haven’t keeled over yet.  Freezer is great!  Ugly, but great!  Garage is now cleaned.  Why, between four of us, we have ten bikes and 4 unicycles is beyond me.  What I really should say is, between the girls and myself we have 4, one is my brother’s girlfriend’s and the rest are his!!!  Two he rides, one is an antique (I think) and two he uses for parts.  And the unicycles are graduated sizes.  So I guess it does make sense.  It’s just a lot when you’re moving them and trying to make them fit into a small space!

First Communion was beautiful.  Long (2 hours), but beautiful.  All very high church with smells and bells and chanting.

The Ralph concert was fun, but I think we’re coming to a turning point.  Shannon is starting to feel too old (even though she still really likes it) and won’t get up and dance with all the other kids.  And without her to dance with, Emma has almost no interest.  She was at the back of the café drawing and playing through most of the show.  So I think this summer might be it for Ralph which seems to be much harder for me than for them.  On another note, Shannon won a guitar in an auction, autographed by Ralph himself, and she’s so excited she can barely contain herself.  She has wanted to learn to play the guitar for quite awhile.

Last night I went through Emma’s backpack and pulled out a 2” stack of papers, some of them dating as far back as mid February.  The stack included a lot of homework, newletters, flyers and a note that I had a conference scheduled with the teacher for THIS MORNING!  And Emma claims it’s all new.  Which of course, is not true.  So I go into the school ready to blast the teacher (I actually brought the papers) and she tells me that yesterday she was thinking about the library book that Emma lost (I have ripped the housed apart several times, as well as the car looking for this book) and decided to go through Emma’s cubby.  And back behind her supplies was the book, and all these papers and a few crafts.  So apparently, in the morning, Emma is cleaning out her mailbox, walking into class and shoving everything into her cubby and forgetting about it.  But I have a feeling that after she has to sit down and do more than 2 months of homework she might be more likely to remember.

And then I saw this bird down the street from my house.  Not really sure what it is – the debate is between a juvenile Great Blue Heron and a Lesser Sandhill Crane.  I have someone trying to figure it out, but if anyone knows, please tell me!

They came!  They came!!!

But these are safely ensconced in my back yard, not front.

We are going to see Ralph on Easter.  He is playing a benefit and I figure that would be more fun for the girls than some stuffy, fancy dinner.  It’ll certainly be more fun for me!

Busy weekend – we’re filling Easter eggs at the Church tomorrow, I have to clean out the garage to make room for the new freezer, and I have an eye doctor appointment.  Then on Saturday we have to go get the freezer (which will take at least 1 ½ hours), put it in the garage (just me and another girl) and the girls have their first communion at the Easter Vigil Service (which is the longest service ever, one I like to call the Festival of the Holy Hibachi.  They have a fire pit going for the lighting of the Pascal Candle).  We should get home around 9:30 – 10:00pm and then have to be back at the Church at 8:30 Sunday so the girls can sing.  Then there’s an Easter Egg hunt and then drive out to see Ralph’s show.  We should get home about 8:00, just in time for the girls to go to bed so they’ll be ready for school on Monday. 

And at some point I have to grocery shop and do laundry.  The weekend is going to go by really quickly!

On another note, they released that coyote back into the “wild”.  You wanna bet he will somehow find my yard?

Now here’s a story you don’t hear everyday .

 A coyote wandered into a Quizno’s restaurant in downtown Chicago yesterday.  He climbed into the cooler and apparently found it so comfortable he took a nap.  Needless to say, the restaurant evacuated pretty quickly, and Animal Control came and took him away. 

I'm just trying to imagine what it was like, sitting there, eating lunch, minding your own business when this mangy dog walks in and then climbs into the cooler and goes to sleep.  And you suddenly realize this isn't a dog, it's a wild animal and you're in the middle of downtown Chicago.

But what’s really funny thing is the police had a hard time controlling the crowd and keeping them out because everyone wanted to see him up close.  And if I still worked in the City, I'd probably have been one of them.

And hello! It's snowing!

My kids are hopelessly addicted to Dancing with the Stars.  They refer to Billy Ray Cyrus and “Mylie’s Dad” and Heather Mills as “the woman with one leg” and for the most part don’t care about anyone else.

Last night during the show, Emma jumps up and disappears.  She comes back wearing these dress shoes that are about two sizes too big and make a huge amount of noise.  She then walks to the middle of the room and starts jumping around, flailing her arms about, kicking her feet.  I ask her what she’s doing, and she replies “I can’t help it.  When I hear music I’ve just gotta dance!”

Then she kicked herself in the shin and fell to the ground.  I guess we can eliminate professional dancer as a career choice.

And by the way - Love E-Bay!  Got more Flamingos for the yard!  Woo Hoo!