First of all, I just got home from the annual Margherite Margarita party and it was, as always, a rousing success.  She should really consider turning it into a fundraiser or something.  I bet she could make a fortune.  Anyway, it did have a different vibe this year.  A little more laid back, relaxed, possibly even (dare I say?) grown up.  But still just as fun.  Margherite seemed a little more laid back during it too.  And while there was plenty to do, not so much stuff, which I think added to the relaxed feeling.  I hadn’t seen her garden yet this year, and it is absolutely beautiful!  She is so helping me with mine.  And I saw the new jewelry; it’s even nicer in person.

And her hair!  It is so cute!  OK, my worshipping at her feet is done.  At least until she comes and helps me MOVE THE NEW COUCH!!!!!!! (please?)

So I did something I don’t think many people will understand.  I have a problem holding a grudge.  I can’t stay angry with people.  It’s a waste of energy and bad kharma and really, only hurts me.  So, after talking with someone from my old work, I found out my boss didn’t want to let me go.  It came from over her head.  Apparently she was very upset about the whole thing.  So I wrote her an email saying thank you for everything she did for me during my divorce and thanking her all of her support during that time and for all the learning opportunities she gave me.  I added that I feel no ill will against her and that if I was rude on my departure, it was only because I was attempting to leave with some dignity.  And I wished her the best for the future and told her I hoped she was able to find someone better suited for what they needed.

And I sent it, not really sure if it was a good idea, but it was something I had to do for me.  I had to be bigger than that.  And she did send me a return email, very carefully worded, thanking me for the note.  So, who knows.

But interestingly, since then I have heard that everyone she has interviewed for the position is not nearly as qualified and there is no one she wants to hire.  So while I’m trying to rise above it, I’m not above little petty satisfaction.  Guess I’m not so evolved after all. 

My Dad was a great storyteller.  He was also a big prankster, from a long line of pranksters.  And their pranks generally never had much of a point and usually failed miserably.  But they made for great stories.

When my father was ill, there was a scare about 4 months before he died.  And we rushed be with him.  I stood at the foot of his bed, crying, saying you can’t die.  The girls will never hear your stories.  You have such great stories and I don’t want to be the one to tell them.  And he hung on, got better, but a few months later, his heart just couldn’t fight anymore.

So I’ve taken to writing down as many of the stories as I can remember.  This one didn’t even involve my dad, but it is still my favorite.

My dad, my uncle and my aunt went to school in a one room school house (really, they did) in rural Michigan.  And there was this guy who was really full of himself.  His dad owned the local Chevy dealership and he was allowed to drive this Corvette around.  But I guess he was a total jerk.  So my uncle decided to teach him a lesson.  So he and my aunt and a couple of his friends hatched this plan.  There was an abandoned house in the area, but it still looked lived in.  My uncle convinced this guy that there was this “loose” woman who lived there with her truck driver husband, who was gone a lot.  This guy, my uncle and their friend piled into the Corvette and drove over to the house (where my aunt and another friend (who had a rifle) were hiding.

They pull unto the property, park, get out and start walking to the house when my aunt yells, “Get out of here!  My husband’s home!”  Of course, they turn around and run.  Then, there is a gunshot, and my uncle falls to the ground.  Then, another, and the friend falls.  The guy runs to his car, jumps in and takes off down the road.  He loses control at a curve and plows his car into a marsh.  He then climbs out, runs down the road until he gets to a store and runs in screaming hysterically about a crazy guy who shot his friends.  There happened to be a sheriff there, who grabs him and drives back to the house where they find my uncle, aunt and their friends laying on the ground laughing hysterically.  The guy looks at them and says, “you’re all bast*rds!”

And amazingly, none of my relatives has done any time.

Media Player says this is Madonna - obviously not!!!!

At least for one day.  Yesterday, I took the girls to zoo first thing in the morning, to go stand in line for an hour to get a wristband.  Which gave us the right to come back a couple of hours later (after spending a fortune on lunch) to stand in line for ANOTHER 2 ½ hours so they could meet and get the autographs of Emily Osment and Jason Earles.  For those of you not in the know, they are the best friend and brother on Hannah Montana.  And they were both really nice, although after signing 1000 autographs looked somewhat weary.  The final icing on the cake was, of course, taking photos and then stopping on the way home to print them so they could lord it over their friends.

As for animals, other than teens and tweens, we didn’t really see much.  Only a baby giraffe and an Okapi, which looks like a biological mistake.  It’s a combination of zebra, horse and giraffe.  For any of you who don’t know what the Okapi is, here are some little known facts:

"The okapi (Okapia johnstoni) is one of the two remaining species of family Giraffidae, the second being the giraffe. It is native to the rain forests situated in the north east of the Democratic Republic of the Congo, and was known only to the local people until 1901 and thus were believed to be mythical. This obscurity led the Society for Cryptozoology to adopt it as an emblem."
"Okapis are largely nocturnal and essentially solitary, coming together only to breed. ""The tongue of an okapi is long enough for the animal to wash its eyelids and clean its ears: it is one of the few mammals that can lick its own ears."

"Okapis are unusual in their ability to sleep for only 5 minutes in a 24 hour period and remain at peak alertness."

Of course, it has now been more 24 hours and I have earned back the much beloved title of Meanest Mom in the World.  Which to quote the Dad on Hannah Montana, that means I’m doing my job right.

Can I just tell you how much joy my kitchen tools give me?  As Margherite can attest to, I have an absolutely abnormal love for my Santuko knife.  It is the perfect knife.  It will cut anything, even bread and is perfectly balanced.  And then there is my avocado slicer.  This great little gadget slices the avocado and peels it all in one swoop.  But even better is my potato ricer.  You can make the fluffiest mashed potatoes without even peeling them!  Best thing ever.

My love affair with kitchen stuff dates back to when I worked at Williams Sonoma one Christmas season.  That year I bought more specialized kitchen stuff than anyone should have.  And when I unpacked them after having all of it in storage for 1 ½ years, I was practically giddy.

 But wouldn’t you know, I forgot to take the can opener.  And bottle opener.  But you wants food sliced, diced or fluffed, and I’m your girl 

Emma comes in from a friend’s house, slamming the door and throwing herself down on the chair.

Me:      What’s wrong Em?

Emma:            Nothing.

Me:      Are you sure?  You look pretty upset.

Emma: I almost got busted by the cops!  That’s what’s wrong!

Me (very confused and sure I heard wrong):            What?

Emma: I almost got busted by the cops!

Me (trying very hard to not laugh):            Why did you almost get busted by the cops (also wondering where she heard phrase “busted by the cops” but decide that really doesn’t matter)?

Emma (bursting into tears): I hit Alana!

Me:      And there was a policeman there?

Emma: Yes and he yelled at me!

Me:      Well, have you learned that you shouldn’t hit people?

Emma: Yes!

Me:      So maybe when I was telling you not to hit I knew what I was talking about?

Emma: Oh, I hate myself!!! (runs into bedroom crying)

 Can’t wait until she’s in middle school.

 Do not spend entire day in sun with freshly dyed vibrant hair unless you would like it too be even brighter!

Conversation in grocery with acquaintance from church:

You dyed your hair!  I would never be that brave.  But it’s great!  It really suits you.

What exactly does that mean?

And no, it’s not pink, or purple (well, not exactly purple), it’s just a really vibrant shade of red with purplish highlights.  What do you expect from a shade called Spicy Salsa?

And there will be no photos – no computer yet.  But maybe Margherite will take one at her party in a couple of weeks.

And Yellow:  what exactly are you trying to say? Huh? Huh?

Don’t let a 5 year old pick out your hair color unless you’re prepared to stand out in the crowd!

Ok, I have officially entered the ranks of white trash.  I’ve been sick for awhile and I was just really running on empty.  So Saturday when I finally went to the doctor (looks like it’s viral) I was so tired I could barely get dressed.  Plus it was soooo hot.  I took a shower, pulled my hair up in a clip (without even brushing it), put on a tank top with a built-in bra (which by no means is enough for me) some raggedy old shorts I clean in, no make-up and a pair of sandals I have actually stapled together (they’re really comfy!).  It was a beautiful sight.  I’m surprised small children didn’t run away screaming.

Having said that, I am feeling a little better (about time, it’s been 2 weeks!) and I look GREAT today.  It’s one of those rare days when everything just comes together perfectly.  I decided to stop fighting the humidity and just left my hair wavy, my bad burn (don’t ask) has faded into a nice tan, and my outfit is hanging perfectly.  And I even found jewelry that coordinates.

Computer situation coming to an end.  A dear friend is giving me an old one she has.  Have I said I have the best friends in the whole world?  Seriously, I do.  I am the luckiest person in the world to have such wonderful friends.  I feel so blessed.  They are always there to listen to me, and offer support in any way they can.  So, to all of you, Thank You!!! I won’t name you all cause I haven’t asked permission, but you know who you are.

 Ok, I’m going to take my gorgeous self and walk around the building (OK, so I don’t look that good…)