This is a great story.  A woman sold some Pokemon cards on Ebay.  Nothing remarkable about that.  But she was selling them because her kids has snuck them into the grocery cart without her knowing.  Here is the link: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=130144061675

 

She is my new idol.

 

I told the kids about this, and Shannon says to me, “I was just thinking of doing that!” to which I asked, “You thought about sneaking something into the grocery cart so I would find it and put it up for auction on Ebay?”  And she says “yes”.

 

?????? 

 

Your Birthdate: November 18

You are a cohesive force - able to bring many people together for a common cause. You tend to excel in work situations, but you also facilitate a lot of social gatherings too. Beyond being a good leader, you are good at inspiring others. You also keep your powerful emotions in check - you know when to emote and when to repress. Your strength: Emotional maturity beyond your years Your weakness: Wearing yourself down with too many responsibilities Your power color: Crimson red Your power symbol: Snowflake Your power month: September

 

 

 

Don't know how much this sounds like me though...

You Are Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"We saved the world. I say we have to party."

 

http://www.blogthings.com/whatsuperheroineareyouquiz/

 

 If I tag you, sorry - blame Jean!

 

Things about me.  Hmmm, not sure I have that much left.

 

1.   I have secretly wanted to be either a broadway star or famous singer when I was going up.

 

2.   I can't hula hoop - at all.

 

3.   I'm terrified of heights

 

4.  But I've been skydiving

 

5.   I'm a horrible liar.

 

6.   I have an abnormal love of holidays-all of them.

 

7.  I've been bitten by a seagall

 

8.  My favorite movie is The Princess Bride - I can recite all the lines

 

Ok, well, I'm tagging Cassie, Lee, Jen, Tracie, mum, Lisa, 2Trendy, and of course, Yellow!  Please don't kill me!

I think I’m in love.  Or possibly lust.

 

Is it a law that firemen have to be unbelievably good looking as well as great with kids?  We went walking around town and saw the firemen practicing with their extension ladder and the girls wanted to watch.  So we stopped and they took some photos and the next thing I know, they called us over and offered to take the camera to the top and take flood pictures for us.  The rain missed us last night so the water is beginning to recede.  Anyway, after that we got a tour of the firehouse and the girls got firefighter hats and stickers.

 

In other news, my ex got discharged, although he claims he’s still too sick to be out.  My feeling is he’s trying to avoid losing the house.  It went to a sheriff’s sale this weekend, so I’m not sure why they haven’t changed the locks and dumped his stuff.  I feel really bad for the new girlfriend.  But it’s not my problem anymore. 

It has been a very exciting first week of school.  On the second day of school, just as I arrived to pick the girls up, the tornado sirens went off.  The parents were whisked into the first grade hallway, where all the first graders were curled up on the floor.  Of course all the windows and doors were closed, so the temperature went up to nearly 100 degrees.  Then the power went out, which of course made the kids scream, so we’re fanning the kids with folders while singing “Row, row, row your boat” at the tops of our lungs.  We were finally released about a half hour later.  When we got home we found out the “rotation” had gone right over the school and took off the roof of a business in the next town, injuring 40 people.  We have had so much rain, the river has gone over its banks, and several businesses have gone under water. Plus, there is flooding up north and they have to open the locks, so the river is not expected to crest until late Saturday or Sunday.  I’ve taken some photos, which I have posted and will try to take more tomorrow or Sunday.

 

The interesting part is that there are four bridges across the river, three in the town I live in and one in the next town.  They have already had to close one bridge and if the river goes as high as they say, they will have to close not only the other bridges, but the main roads on either side as well.  Both towns will literally be cut in half. 

 

To top that off, my ex is in the hospital with congestive heart failure and they apparently are having a hard time getting rid of the fluid and stabilizing him.  Now while he is far from one of my favorite people in the world, he is the father of my children and spite of everything on some level they still love him and they just don’t need any more turmoil so hopefully they will be able to stabilize him.

 

Well, I will update as soon as there is more news.  Just pray we don’t get any more rain. 

We went to a meet and greet at the school yesterday. It’s supposed to make things easier for the first graders and it’s a chance for them to familiarize themselves with the classroom.  I’m sitting talking with the teacher when this man who looks vaguely familiar walks in with his wife and son.  I say to the teacher, “I think that’s the man that did my amnio”.  And the teacher looks at me and says “I go to someone else in that practice. Can you imagine how embarrassing it would be if I went to him?”  And I thought about it, cause I was in the hospital for so long I was examined by all but one person in the practice.  And he was one of them.  So this man has actually seen more of me than me.  The teacher looks at him and says, “ I see Dr. H!” so I chime in, “And you did my amnio.” To which he looks at Emma and says, “well, I don’t see any holes and she doesn’t appear to be leaking, so that’s good!”

 

I decided not to mention anything else. 

I’m blind.

 

At least I think I wish I was.

 

Last night I went to an adult toy party.  Really.  I didn’t have anything better to do and the girls were both at High School Musical 2 sleepovers (more on that later) and another mom (Jill) who lives here who I have recently become friends with invited me, so I figured, what the heck.

 

So I dropped off Emma at her party, talked with that mom for a few then went across town to the “new money” side of town to drop off Shannon.  We get there, and there are girls running everywhere.  She, of course, ran off and left me with all her stuff.  So I walked over to the front door and started talking to the other parents, and the hosting mom comes over to say hi.  She’s holding a wine bottle in her hand, and she says, “Don’t worry, this isn’t a sign of what going to be going on tonight.  A few of us are just going to watch the movie (the kids were downstairs).”  Being a little slow, it took a minute to dawn on me.  They were having a party for the parents.  Only I wasn’t invited.  I was also the only single parent, the only one from the “poor” side of town.  None of which really bothered me, but Shannon noticed.  So I just looked this parent in the eye and said, “Thank you for inviting Shannon, now I’m off to do something that definitely doesn’t include Disney.”  And I turned and left, went to the liquor store, bought bottles of Menage a Trois and the 7 Deadly Zins and went to the party. 

 

Now, I don’t know any of these people except my neighbor (I’ve seen some of them at school functions, which just made it even more surreal), and there’s this woman showing us various toys, lotions, ointments, etc.  And at some point this woman pulls out a stripper pole.  Yes, apparently you can purchase a portable stripper pole.  And apparently this woman will teach you how to use it.  And she teaches lap dancing.  About now I decided there is not enough liquor in the world.  And keep in mind I’m sitting with the lesbian brigade, who has me laughing so hard I almost wet my pants.  And then she brings out……………the book.

 

This is a book of positions and one actually has warning that if not done correctly, serious injury is possible. 

 

Hence the blindness. 

 

Jesus hitchhikes?

 

When I was in high school, one of my best friends was a girl named Teresa.  To say she was a wild child is an underestimate.  On a field trip she once snuck off and got so drunk she had to be hospitalized.  Of course, I was with her (I did have enough sense to not drink for once).  I had forged the permission slip because my mom wouldn’t let me go.  So she comes back from her little binge, comes over to me and passes out, literally in my arms.  Now she outweighed me by a good 20 lbs.  Then she starts vomiting.  While she’s unconscious.  And I don’t know what to do.  So I find this guy to help me sneak her back on the bus. Ok, so obviously I wasn’t a rocket scientist.  Needless to say, we got caught.  Which turned out to be a good thing, other than the fact that they called her mom who proceeded to slap me repeatedly until the assistant dean pulled her off me.  They took her away in an ambulance, kept her for a couple of days and sent her home. Miraculously, my mother never found out I was there.

 

But my favorite Teresa story happened when she got thrown out of her house. Her parents just kind of gave up.  So she was staying with a friend in a nearby town.  And somehow I talked my parents into driving me out there.  For some reason they absolutely adored her.  Probably because they never found out about most of our “outings”. 

 

After I got there, we started drinking Seagrams and Lemonade (very little lemonade) and she decided she wanted to go check up on her boyfriend.  Now her car is this stick shift that can only be push started.  I can’t drive yet, so I always had to push.  And yes, I know we shouldn’t have been driving.  But honestly, at the time, we didn’t know how truly dangerous it was.

 

It was pretty foggy and we were out in a farm field area driving down this road that narrowed from two lanes to one rather suddenly.  I’d been down this road 100 times at least.  We’re driving and we see this man standing at the edge of the road with his arms outstretched.  He’s wearing blue and white robes and has shoulder length brown hair.  And there is this light radiating up around him from under the fog.  We see him at the same time.  Teresa takes her foot off the gas and says “Oh my God, what do we do?” to which I reply “I’d say repent, but I think it’s too late”.    The car continues to roll forward and we’re so scared we don’t know what to do.  Just as we’re pretty much ready to leap from the car and run away, we figure out it’s a wooden cutout from the church down the street.  Needless to say, we did stop and pour out our drinks.  Then we went straight home.

 

We went back the next day and the cutout was gone.  We never did figure out where the light came from.

 

 

 It isn't as bad as you think. Ok, yes it is.  It was one of those giant ones, I don't even remember where I was, but I basicallyran one finger down it's back, shivered and ran away.

 

Don't you want to now?

Ok, I got this list from the Fairie Queen.  All the things I have NOT done are in bold.

 

 

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink

02. Swam with wild dolphins

03. Climbed a mountain

04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive

05. Been inside the Great Pyramid

06. Held a tarantula

07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone

08. Said 'I love you' and meant it

09. Hugged a tree

10. Bungee jumped

11. Visited Paris

12. Watched a lightning storm at sea

13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise

14. Seen the Northern Lights

15. Gone to a huge sports game

16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa

17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables

18. Touched an iceberg

19. Slept under the stars

20. Changed a baby's diaper

21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon  

22. Watched a meteor shower

23. Gotten drunk on champagne

24. Given more than you can afford to charity

25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope

26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment (at my Dad’s wake!)

27. Had a food fight  

28. Bet on a winning horse

29. Asked out a stranger

30. Had a snowball fight

31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can

32. Held a lamb

33. Seen a total eclipse

34. Ridden a roller coaster

35. Hit a home run

36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking 

37. Adopted an accent for an entire day

38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment

39. Had two hard drives for your computer

40. Visited all 50 states

41. Taken care of someone who was drunk

42. Had amazing friends (HAVE-think I’ve mentioned that once or twice) 

43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country

44. Watched wild whales

45. Stolen a sign (remember, I went to high school with Margherite – she’s such a troublemaker, I was innocent I tell you!)

46. Backpacked in Europe

47. Taken a road-trip

48. Gone rock climbing

49. Midnight walk on the beach

50. Gone sky diving  

51. Visited Ireland

52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love

53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them (Many times, it’s not uncommon in some other countries-great way to meet people)

54. Visited Japan

55. Milked a cow

56. Alphabetized your CDs

57. Pretended to be a superhero

58. Sung karaoke 

59. Lounged around in bed all day

60. Posed nude in front of strangers (that’s something no one needs to see!) 

61. Gone scuba diving

62. Kissed in the rain

63. Played in the mud

64. Played in the rain

65. Gone to a drive-in theater (Had one in town - don't even get me started on the snacks we brought)

66. Visited the Great Wall of China

67. Started a business

68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken

69. Toured ancient sites

70. Taken a martial arts class

71. Played DVD for more than 6 hours straight

72. Gotten married

73. Been in a movie (I did however, accidentally run onto a set and completely disrupt filming for Early Edition)

74. Crashed a party (Saying I’m a friend of Tom’s works every time-crashed a wedding reception once too, it looked like a better one than the one I was at)

75. Gotten divorced

76. Gone without food for 5 days (only three)

77. Made cookies from scratch

78. Won first prize in a costume contest (there were only five costumed people – does that count?)

79. Ridden a gondola in Venice

80. Gotten a tattoo (soon!)

81. Rafted the Snake River

82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"

83. Got flowers for no reason

84. Performed on stage 

85. Been to Las Vegas

86. Recorded music

87. Eaten shark

88. Had a one-night stand 

89. Gone to Thailand

90. Bought a house

91. Been in a combat zone

92. Buried one/both of your parents

93. Been on a cruise ship

94. Spoken more than one language fluently (used to speak German, never fluent tho, don’t remember any of it)

95. Performed in Rocky Horror (isn’t tht sad – how could I have missed this one?)

96. Raised children

97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour

99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country

100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over

101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge (only drove : ( )

102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking (all the time)

103. Had plastic surgery

104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived

105. Wrote articles for a large publication

106. Lost over 100 pounds

107. Held someone while they were having a flashback (yeah – that was fun (not!)

108. Piloted an airplane  

109. Petted a stingray

110. Broken someone's heart

111. Helped an animal give birth

112. Won money on a T.V. game show

113. Broken a bone

114. Gone on an African photo safari

115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced

116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol

117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild (well, you know my brother! Made me eat a puff ball last year)

118. Ridden a horse

119. Had major surgery

120. Had a snake as a pet (my brother did tho)

121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon

122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours (yeah, but I was too sick to enjoy it)

123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states

124. Visited all 7 continents

125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days

126. Eaten kangaroo meat

127. Eaten sushi

128. Had your picture in the newspaper

129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about

130. Gone back to school

131. Parasailed (how about parachute? Done that)

132. Petted a cockroach (and yes, it is disgusting)

133. Eaten fried green tomatoes (I make GREAT ones)

134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey Read the Iliad, most of the Odyssey, Does Beowulf and Grendal count?

135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read

136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (couldn’t do it, no way, no how)

137. Skipped all your school reunions (are you kidding? Margherite would have killed me!)

138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language

139. Been elected to public office (does student council count?)

140. Written your own computer language

141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream  

142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care

143. Built your own PC from parts (with help) 

144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you

145. Had a booth at a street fair

146. Dyed your hair

147. Been a DJ (does it count if I kind of shoved the DJ aside and took over?)

148. Shaved your head

149. Caused a car accident 

150. Saved someone's life 

 

So, what do YOU have left to do?

Another birthday party over and we all survived.  It well really well, except we ran one hour over and still didn’t play all the games we had.

 

The cake was a big hit-I am so relieved.  As ya’ll know, I’m not very good with the whole baking thing.  But it actually turned out really well. 

 

I took some picture of the party, although I was so busy I didn’t really get a chance to take too many.  My brother gave Emma a beautiful Butterfly kite and Shannon’s preschool fiancé (another long story) gave her a ball that you fill with ingredients and kick and toss around ad it magically turns into ice cream!  The funny part is we gave them one last year and they had so much fun with it they gave one to us.  I guess you could say it was “just desserts”.  Ha! 

Emma’s birthday party is tomorrow.  So I’m going through my normal birthday cake making stress.  But I have to say that this one is going to either be the coolest cake, or a complete disaster.  It’s nice to actually have time to work on one.  Unemployment definitely has some good points.  I’m taking pics at each stage, so I will post them this weekend (providing I survive the party – 10 five to 9 year old girls at the pool, all but two are girls, my ears are already ringing).

 

My ex-Mother in Law

 

Let’s see, what can I say? She is a complete and total nutcase.  She’s a violent long term alcoholic who once got so mad at her boyfriend that she smashed all the windows in his house.  The alcoholism has given her memory loss, so she rarely remembers her tirades.  She has hoarding disorder, so her apartment is literally floor to ceiling boxes with only a path through each room.  She chain smokes (although rumor has it she has slowed own a little).  She used to get drunk and call us 25-30 times in night just screaming, calling us names and threatening us.  It was delightful.  She has an absolute hatred for my ex-husband’s father (they got divorced when my ex was a baby because he was gay) and she has been known to call him up to yell about things he did when they were dating!  That would be 45+ years ago.  So not having to deal with her was a definite bonus in the divorce.  

 

Then she calls me out of the blue very late last night because my ex is acting erratically (imagine that) and wants to discuss it.  After nine years I know the easiest way is to just talk to her so she doesn’t keep calling.  Plus, I’m not the one she’s mad at.  But the phone call lasted 1 1/2 hours and I didn’t get to sleep until after 2:00.  Which makes getting up at 6:00 really hard for me.

 

She thinks my ex has early onset Alzheimer’s.  I don’t think so.   He is mentally ill, there’s no doubt about that, but personally think he’s a sociopath.  This profile fits him to a tee.  Margherite can attest to that.

 

Profile of the Sociopath

• Glibness and Superficial Charm
• Manipulative and Conning
  They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
• Grandiose Sense of Self
  Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."
• Pathological Lying
  Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.
• Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
  A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
• Shallow Emotions
  When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
• Incapacity for Love
• Need for Stimulation
  Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.
• Callousness/Lack of Empathy
  Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.
• Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
  Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
• Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
  Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.
• Irresponsibility/Unreliability
  Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.
• Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
  Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.
• Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
  Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.
• Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
  Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

Other Related Qualities:

1.        Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them

2.        Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them

3.        Authoritarian

4.        Secretive

5.        Paranoid

 

Have I mentioned how happy I am to be divorced? 

Nothing like a call from your ex-mother in law to give you insomnia.

 

I don’t think there is enough sleep medication in the world to counteract that.

 

 

I have to go bang my head very hard against a wall now….maybe I can knock myself out

Two new photo albums!  Pics dating back to May! 

So I donned my wings (after all, must try to blend in) and over the river and through the wood what did I find?  Not Grandma's house. A group of fairies.   And pirates too.  And an odd man selling pickles.  And a Cockatiel.  Which I of course, convince Margherite to hold.  But I didn't tell her how to give it back.  So, she's standing there, looking incredibly uncomfortable, trying to have a polite conversation with the bird lady while holding this bird on her hand, who is quite happily alternating between grooming himself and biting her ring.

 

I went to the Fairy Festival today to see Margherite.  What a fun, strange place. Set in the woods next to a clearing (the better for the swordfighters).  And here is the strange part - if you're there for very long, you start speaking with a bad, faux medival british accent.  Seriously.  And it's very difficult to stop.  But there are some very strange and very kind people there.  And trusting.  I understand why people get so caught up in it.

 

I did get a piece of art made with pressed flowers, which I normally don't like, but these were so well done and beautiful, I couldn't resist.  Plus, the same gentleman wrote me a poem.  And it was perfect for me.  Here it is:

 

 

And he didn't even know me.  So thank you Derek, for seeing who I've become.  It's been a very long journey.

Shannon looks at me out of the blue and asks:

 

"Mom, what's sex?"

 

I almost threw up.  I just said, "we'll talk later."

 

I'm not ready for this!!!!!